Sometimes, well most of the times, I find myself comparing myself to my friends, my siblings and well most of the people around me. I can feel myself struggling to do something worthwhile because I feel if I don’t wouldn’t be remembered. I won’t be able to leave a mark on this world.
It’s just like how Blair feels when she is with Serena. A Darth Vadar next to a Sunshine Barbie. Your try so hard. You do all things right. You try to grasp all the opportunities that are in front of you. You push through that shyness and fear thinking it will all be worth it. But then all that courage, all that confidence goes down the drain when you don’t achieve it or when someone does much better than you. How do you learn to live with yourself knowing no matter what you do, someone will always do better or be better…
I have had to live with this all my life, being the younger sibling, being the inferior best friend. I realized even by changing countries, this fact is never going to stop itself from latching on to my shoulders. You may call me insecure or say learn to love yourself. But this will help me for those five minutes. But what happens when you switch of that motivational video and turn the lights and lie down after a tiresome day. Those thoughts come back don’t they?
Just by someone saying you shouldn’t compare or that you should love yourself it doesn’t just magically come into you. You learn through experiences and acceptance. You learn through focusing on yourself. If you ever feel something or even a bit of what I have mentioned, it is time you start talking or stop associating with those people who try so hard, whether knowingly or unknowingly to put you down. You are the master of your own fate and all the things that happen to you. Trust me I learnt it the hard way.
If you care for those people despite of them making you feel this way, talk to them, they might be able to help you out in someway or another. Or if not, break your ties with them. Its the only way for you to remain sane. Its the only way for that relationship to not turn toxic or unhealthy.
I know now that all those insecurities haven’t gone yet, but I am working my way towards it. I am working towards where I want to be. Those people are still there. They are still outshining me. But there is only one difference now. They might be the best, but I am working towards making myself better than what I was yesterday and to me that is the best.