How I Used To Be

Am I alive,

Or just dreaming?

Will I survive,

By just breathing?

 

I’m at a standstill,

As the world goes by.

I feel stuck,

I can’t even cry.

 

I’ve become numb,

This melancholia never fading.

I am insensate,

So long been paying,

For things I’ve never done,

For things I’ll never do.

 

I don’t want to be empty,

Like a tree in autumn,

I don’t want to take on,

Mistakes via heartaches.

 

An air of despondency,

Surrounds me nowadays.

The frequency,

Of torment has left me with nothing to say.

 

I sit a while,

Alone with my thoughts,

Gathering myself,

No one to do that for me anymore.

 

I feel like crying,

While everyone laughs,

I feel like dying,

When I see photographs,

Of how I used to be.

 

That girl, wouldn’t recognise me now.

That girl wouldn’t believe who I have become now.

Hope she sees what is coming, and is more careful,

Her future self would be happy if she didn’t turn up like her,

The present self has some happy days left.

 

Live while you can,

Don’t make plans,

It never goes according to it.

 

Life happens,

When it has to.

Whatever may be,

I will never be whole again,

I will never be who I used to be.

 

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