I held you in my hands,

You were crying.

I didn’t know what to do,

So held you tightly.


I had been waiting so long for this day,

This moment ephemeral,

So raw, so real

I have never been so happy before today.


You look into my eyes, and the crying stops,

I see a smile peeking out of that mouth.

I hear a giggle,

The sound so mellifluous.


Your glow under the fluorescent,

You are iridescent,

And then it begins,

The downfall.


I feel your pulse go down,

I see you gain a frown.

I look up to the doctor,

I don’t know what to do.


He takes you from me,

I look up to away,

My love, on the brink of tears.


Silence deafening,

My heartbeat quickening,

But yours a bit questioning.


And then it dies down,

And I’m blown,

To pieces,

To see this fetus,

No more in this world.


We knew this would happen,

But we still hoped,

That the heartbeat would beat,

Would repeat,

But it didn’t.

And we knew it wouldn’t.


I hold her tight,

I don’t want to fight,

I see them taking you away,

But bringing in a hurricane.


There is no life,

In me.

No joy,

To see.

I sit still,

Hearing Her Heartbeat,

Knowing this will just have to be enough.

How I Used To Be

Am I alive,

Or just dreaming?

Will I survive,

By just breathing?


I’m at a standstill,

As the world goes by.

I feel stuck,

I can’t even cry.


I’ve become numb,

This melancholia never fading.

I am insensate,

So long been paying,

For things I’ve never done,

For things I’ll never do.


I don’t want to be empty,

Like a tree in autumn,

I don’t want to take on,

Mistakes via heartaches.


An air of despondency,

Surrounds me nowadays.

The frequency,

Of torment has left me with nothing to say.


I sit a while,

Alone with my thoughts,

Gathering myself,

No one to do that for me anymore.


I feel like crying,

While everyone laughs,

I feel like dying,

When I see photographs,

Of how I used to be.


That girl, wouldn’t recognise me now.

That girl wouldn’t believe who I have become now.

Hope she sees what is coming, and is more careful,

Her future self would be happy if she didn’t turn up like her,

The present self has some happy days left.


Live while you can,

Don’t make plans,

It never goes according to it.


Life happens,

When it has to.

Whatever may be,

I will never be whole again,

I will never be who I used to be.


Living In A Shadow.

When will be the time,

When I stand under the spotlight.

When will be the time,

That I will not be out of sight.


Throughout my life,

I’ve lived in the shadow,

Of someone else’s spotlight.


Throughout my life,

I’ve never felt good enough,

Never enough.


The world is a nasty place,

It doesn’t even look at you,

If you’ve not done something worthwhile.


Why is life celebrated with so much joy at birth?

Why not as we grow.

Why is it that as we progress in life,

We start devaluing it?


Comparison kills happiness,

Yet I find myself in that position everyday.

The day you feel accomplished,

You see someone else,

And your joy is trampled over.


I feel helpless, ruined,

I feel like giving up.

Life never seems easy,

It never really is.


I don’t know what keeps me going,

I don’t know what it is that I am doing,

All I know,

Is to move forward,

Even as a failure, that’s okay.


No one has all downs and no ups,

Once in a while that smile will turn upside down.


Still in that shadow,

Not giving up.

Gives me an important lesson,

I would never treat anyone that way,

I know what to say.


Stand strong,

It won’t be long now,

Till you find the place you belong.




Song Of My Life.

I have seen the darkest part of me.

I have dealt with the things no one can see.


I have wars going on inside,

In me permanently resides,

Demons who need refuge,

Goodness that has no place,

Honesty which cannot hide,

Loyalty which I try to subside,

But it comes out,

And I doubt,

It will ever stop.


Darkness shines the brightest,

Light has never seen day.

Welcome to the song of my life,

It isn’t a fairytale.


Dig in deeper, you start to see,

Sights so ugly, Thoughts you will never feel,

Emotions so raw,

And all of my flaws.


I am reservoir of hate and love,

Hating myself, but trying to discover love.

Contrasts so beautifully knotted,

It might look like I have everything sorted.


The day may go by fine.

I even smile once in a while.

But inside me are strings,

Strings that run the puppet show,

The master being the beast I can’t find.


I’m scared to look,

For I may find,

Parts of me, I don’t know,

Parts of me I will never show,

Even to myself.


But you will never really know,

That you eventually reap what you sow,

A lesson I learnt not long ago,

But only now do I feel the blow,


I’ve been an impediment for far too long,

So I’m going to end this with a song.

A song of my tale,

A song of why I failed.

I wish I didn’t have to bail,

I guess we all do.


Goodbye, I say.

As I pick myself up.

Dawn is approaching,

This will have to continue later tonight,

Come on world, I’m ready for another fight!



She’s been your whole life,

You’ve been just a part of hers.

Her love is undivided,

Yours is has to be.


Moms are a ray of hope,

In a sea of darkness.

Moms are sunshine

On a rainy day.

Moms are light,

That bring out your shadows.

Moms are light,

That fight off the same shadows.


They truly are there,

In sickness and health.

They are always by your side,

No matter how you feel, no matter how you felt.


What you eat, what you drink,

They know every thing.

You likes, your choice,

Even what you think.


No matter how old you get,

No matter where you reach in life,

Whenever you feel down,

Or nothing seems to be going right,

There is only one person you can really go to,

And that is your mom.





A Genuine F(r)iend

They latch on to you,

Like moths.

They feed off of you,

Like predators.


Fake people are contagious,

They fill you with poison.

Extract the life out of you,

And then charge you with treason.


They act like innocent souls,

Oh! They could never hurt a bug.

But when it comes down to stepping over others ,towards success,

They do it without batting an eyelash.


Using people,

Is an every day task.

They roam around,

Always with a mask.


No remorse, no regret.

Perfidy, treachery,

In their blood, I bet.


Why do heartless people crush souls of those,

Who always see the good in them,

Don’t they realize, if they hadn’t done this,

We would have took on the world for them.


Friends hurt you the most,

Impair your functioning,

Mar your thinking,

Unbeknownst to them, what damage they have done,

Or knowingly inflicting pain.


Sadism in nature,

Schadenfreude in life.

People like these are barbaric creatures,

They can only stab you with a knife.


Karma is a bitch,

I can guarantee that,

Don’t even switch,

From a personality like that.

Be yourself.


Everyone pays

For the sins they committed.

Everyone pays,

For the lives they played with.

Trust me when I say this,

People like this,

Won’t even catch a glimpse of happiness.

Causing torment to someone,

Will never given them ecstasy.


And if it does,

Well, then they are living in their fantasy..




One Player.

It isn’t anyone’s fault,

That they don’t fall in love,

With the person who loves them the most.
It isn’t anyone’s fault,

They don’t reciprocate feelings,

Feelings so deep,

To break the biggest of icebergs,

With the warmth of your soul.
It isn’t anyone’s fault,

They love someone,

Who seems unworthy of their love,

And you love them,

Having only them residing in your heart.
It isn’t anyone’s fault,

That they capture your heart,

And crush it into pieces,

That they flow in your blood,

But restrict it at the same time.
It isn’t anyone’s fault,

They take your breath away,

But give you life after all.

That they give you sleepless nights,

But make you dream more than usual.
It isn’t anyone’s fault

 They don’t notice,

What is clearly visible to everyone else,

That they don’t see,

How you feel,

When you have to conceal,

More than you really feel.
It’s not anyone’s fault

You don’t love me,

Like I do,

You don’t see me,

Like I do,

You don’t want me, 

Like I do.
It isn’t  anyone’s fault,

That love is the only game,

Which allows the rules to include,

Only one player to play..

I Wish It Was Me.

I see you get medals

And hear you garner applause

My achievements, so less

I wish it was me.


I see you happy,

Embracing your mother,

You don’t see my melancholy,

Of the void mine left.

You walk off with yours,

But I wish it was me.


You got promoted,

You gave out chocolates that day,

You can now buy that car you were worried about,

I still use the bus.

You celebrate, I integrate

My thoughts with the sadness of how

I wish it was me.


You found love,

You are getting married,

You are at the peak of your life.

You rejoice, I make a choice,

I don’t wish to be you.


My life, my goals, My belief,

Are here to provide me with relief

From my stresses, my burdens, my responsibilities,

I know realize my capability.


I grow through the sand I was buried in,

I work towards the spotlight,

Out of the darkness I was pushed into.

I’m almost there, No one can dare,

To stop me now.


I have reached, I’m successful,

But grateful.

For success isn’t this sweet,

Without the bitterness of failure.


I am on top of the world,

With me feet on the ground,

This is the place to be.


You look, with envy in your eyes,

Thinking of what you had left behind

Using all your lies,

To get what you didn’t deserve.


Now you fall apart,

You cannot dart,

Away from the mess you set so immaculately,

Step out of the dirt, your true face revealed,

You look at me, and now I bet,

You wish you were me!




I Still Dance.

The door to my room locked

The stars outside shining.

The music plays

As I sway to the day’s happenings.


We talked after ages today,

You smiled when you saw me,

After ages today.

I couldn’t stop laughing,

After ages today…


I dance and sway to the beat

As the night turns into day,

I get to meet you again today

Hopefully, it’ll be great.


I entered the room,

And you’re there standing next to the window.

You glanced my way,

But swept your gaze away.


I stayed there for a while,

Hoping to catch your eye.

But not once, in those five hours,

Not once,

Did you look my way.


I went home that day,

Consoling myself that this was known,

That this was a prerequisite today.

The minute I stepped in I should have been prepared.


But this heart of mine,

Like all of ours,

Works on hopes and dreams.


It ignores the science behind Alzheimer’s

It ignores the fleeting memory,

It ignores the truth,

That your presence

In their life,

That the past you shared together,

That the life you had,

The midnight dances,

The ice-cream dates,

The beach strolls,

Breakfast in bed,

The trunk of memories

Gone forever…


Still tomorrow,

I will try,

And try again.

Because what happened yesterday,

May happen once again.


So I still dance,

To the beat of your heart,

As we did in the good old days,

Your song, our song,

Still afresh in my mind,

Lost in yours, but is still there somewhere

In the rhythm of your soul

So I dance.

Rest Is History

It is 2AM

I have no one to blame

That I feel the same

About the flame

Inside my heart

Tearing me apart,

Each and every part

Of me that loved you.


Monday Blues,

You gave me the clues

I dismissed it as one of those days.

You withdrew

Thought we were taboo,

I didn’t care about what anyone said.


I saw you with her

It was a blur

I thought, “it’s not possible”

You saw, you didn’t care

Came home that night, with no despair

From then on, it was unstoppable.

Image result for leo christopher love quotes


The fall to rock bottom

Was fast, like a hunter catching its prey.


We drifted, it was inexorable

The melancholy was present

But you were absent.

My life was headed for doom

I didn’t want to escape this gloom.


I had no where to go,

I didn’t have any place to show,

Love to me

To provide a home to me.


Then that night, I decided,

And left.


Drove for miles,

And the rest is history.


Its 2AM,

I look back,

We had no chemistry,

We had no love,

You were a shadow to my darkness

And I a light to your plight.


We lead lives now,

which are different in many ways.

We will just end up as those stories

That parents warn their kids about,

They know them too well,

But even for them,

Rest is history…