I Tried

I tried to be myself,

And show you who I am.

My personality, with its many traits,

Showed you what I possibly can.

 

My horror movie craze,

My love for the cartoon.

Or every time I jumped in joy,

When I saw rain during the monsoon.

 

My love for quotes,

And tv shows dedication.

All my favourite books,

And music that had become an addiction.

 

You didn’t see it,

Thought I was weird.

That lunatic, you said,

No one would like her, you said.

 

Still persisted,

And showed my true self.

Thought, someone would come along,

Someone would adore it.

 

Waited long enough,

Started losing hope.

No one liked me for who I was.

 

df761fad9848df402aab641eab2e45bd

 

You wanted a girl,

Who would scream at horror movies,

And cuddle up to you.

Wanted a girl,

Who was young at heart and laughed a lot,

But not someone childish.

Someone,

Who was practical and successful,

Busy, but never busy enough for you.

 

You never wanted a girl like me,

No one does.

 

Now they wonder,

What happened to the spark in her eyes,

That was like fireworks.

What happened,

To turn it into a black hole.

 

Advertisements

For Yourself

Inner beauty is what matters,

Right?

Looks fade away after a while,

Right?

 

But,

This sounds good on paper.

This sounds good coming out of a model,

It makes them look grounded.

 

Love at first sight,

Beautiful.

Seeing her sway on the dance floor in that dress,

Magical.

 

All these feelings,

Are amazing to read,

Amazing to hear.

 

But hear this,

Would you look at that slightly heavy girl

And say, “She’s going to find a great guy”?

Wouldn’t  you look at that curvy girl,

And think, “Wow she must eat a lot.”

 

Seeing that lean girl,

A thought may cross your mind,

“Does she ever eat ?”.

This thought may turn into words.

“Wow, she looks beautiful.”

 

“You’ve become thin”- seen as a compliment

“You’ve put on a bit of weight.”- just concerned.

 

People say, ‘we’re all insecure about our bodies’

Yet those who are size 2 can pull off a bikini,

Without having to think twice,

But those who are a size 16,

Can’t even imagine what it feels like to be in one.

 

You love to eat -explains the weight’

The model loves to eat- ‘wow, she’s just like us’

You struggle to eat greens, eyeing that pizza,

‘Should I, shouldn’t I’

She eats pizza all day,

Never even seen cellulite on her body.

 

Metabolism, a cruel thing,

Fast for some, slow as a snail for others.

Yet people don’t blame this.

People blame laziness, eating habits and what not.

 

We live in such a cruel society,

That has made us like this.

Fat being the bad word,

Thin being a compliment.

 

They say self-acceptance comes from within,

But what about facing those glares all day,

‘What does she think of herself’ look

When you’re out and about in shorts.

 

Lose the weight,

For yourself.

Get into that dress,

For yourself.

Because, if you do it for the society,

They’ll just find something else to hate…

 

 

It Was Like

She used to smile,

And jump around,

While making conversations,

With her friends.

 

Hand gestures,

Facial expression,

Changing every minute.

 

She had love,

She was filled with life.

Her happiness exuded,

To all those around.

 

Then one day,

A switch just clicked.

 

She wasn’t the same anymore,

Her love gave up,

Her friends screwed up.

 

She saw it all fall apart,

Like a broken heart,

She felt scattered.

 

She went through life,

With no purpose anymore.

Face so blank,

Eyes empty.

 

It was like,

The life was sucked out of her.

Joy, beaten to death.

 

She couldn’t be who she used to be.

Couldn’t be what others wanted to see.

 

She just wanted to run away and hide,

From the faces that criticize.

 

Was it all in her head?

Made up instead?

 

But she’s too far gone,

To break free.

From the jail,

That is her mind.

 

It’s So Funny

It’s so funny.

How you’re mind can spin,

A million thoughts in a second.

Yet can’t come up with an answer,

As to why you feel the way you feel,

About certain things.

 

It’s so funny.

How your heart races,

At the prospect of certain interactions.

Yet slows down, due to some circumstances,

But why does it beat so hard for something,

You know you’ll never have.

 

It’s so funny.

Your cheeks heat up, involuntarily,

Butterflies take refuge in your stomach,

Uninvited.

Yet these feelings,

Are the best,

At times, the worst.

 

It’s so funny.

The words you have rehearsed in your mind,

Come out all scrambled.

When in the silence of your room,

You know what to say by heart…

 

This mind of ours,

This heart of ours,

Though a part of our body,

Works against us…

 

It’s so funny.

To think we ever had a chance,

Into fooling this heart otherwise,

Fooling this mind,

That’s oh-so-wise…

She.

She’s been hurt before.

Not in a conventional way,

That one would believe.

 

Neither a heartbreak,

Nor an untimely death.

Neither a fallout,

Nor something you would think about.

 

Her thoughts haunt her,

Day in,

And day out.

What goes on behind those eyes,

No one knows what it’s about.

 

She never let anyone in,

To let them know the real her.

When she saw anyone come close,

She would demur.

 

No one knew why she was like that.

No one knew who she was before.

No one knows how it came to this.

 

The real reason?

Well, they were as different as the weather,

During all seasons.

 

She was never called beautiful,

Never given a compliment.

The eyes of those who passed by,

Never saw the goodness within.

 

We live in a world,

That adorns outer beauty.

Beauty seen through the eyes,

Only later leads to acknowledgement,

Of what’s inside.

 

When she spoke,

No one listened.

When she didn’t,

No one cared.

 

When she smiled,

She was ridiculed.

When she didn’t,

She was seen to be cruel.

 

A rollercoaster of emotions,

She felt inside.

Why the world had put her,

On this ride.

 

She figured it out.

A spectrum of sentiments,

Would do her no good.

So she cast it all away,

Like the innocence of childhood.

 

She never felt welcomed,

Always isolated by walls of her room,

The last vestiges of confidence,

Slipping away.

 

Those years of her life,

She never could get back.

The assault her mind did,

Onto that beautiful soul,

Could not be undone with just a few soothing syllables.

 

For what’s broken cannot be glued back together,

What’s hurt, cannot be forgotten.

What’s once told, cannot be unsaid,

If once gone,

Cannot be reborn.

 

In a world of Apple,

She felt like an Android.

In a world of texts and messages,

She still adored letters.

 

But this side of her never manifested.

She understood,

It would never be appreciated.

 

For who would want her to be their better half,

When she herself never felt whole.

That Fleeting Dalliance

Running under the street lights,

At this odd hour.

Looking up at the moonlight,

To look at my star.

 

You brought light to my life,

For one day that I knew you.

You made me want to be your wife,

Even though I barely knew you.

 

I loved the creases on your forehead,

When your smile touched your eyes.

I love the way you held my hand,

Giving me the feeling, you would never say goodbye.

I love the way I caught you looking at me,

And you would shyly blush it off.

 

But what I love the most,

Is seeing you click that picture of mine,

When you thought I didn’t know…

 

When we met for the first time,

There was that instant spark.

We forgot everything else,

And went on that walk.

We didn’t care who looked,

Or that it was becoming very dark.

 

The night under the stars,

Or the breakfast for dinner surprise.

Dancing in that bar at 12 in the night,

Or long chats we had from dusk till dawn.

 

When the light finally sneaked its way,

And made it to our eyes,

I saw your face drop,

Surely mirroring mine.

 

We didn’t want to move,

Didn’t want to go.

Sitting there right in front of you,

Was my haven, my home.

 

I don’t know what was my favourite,

From all those moments,

But one thing I can tell.

The beginning of the end

That fleeting dalliance,

For me,

Was an affair to remember…

Mindless Musings

I had a thought, that made me smile,

We met each other ten years down the line.

You asked how I was,

I said I was fine.

We looked at each other like no time had gone by.

You asked me whether I wanted to go out and dine,

I saw a sparkle in your eyes.

They reminded me of oceans, so sublime, and so,

My heart spoke before my mind could.

Saying yes.

I began treading on the path,

Only meant to be abandoned.

 

EverLast

I’m glad we had that conversation yesterday,

But I’m sorry I blew you off today.

I’m happy we mingled as though old friends yesterday,

But I’m sorry if I behave like a stranger tomorrow.

 

We share the same interests, we laugh at the same things,

We have the same reaction to all the weird things.

But there are times when it dawns on me.

How close to a relationship, a friendship, we get,

I draw back ten steps, forcing myself to forget,

About all the times we were together,

Of all the thoughts I had about you.

 

I’m sorry I’m like this,

I’m sorry I don’t live up to the person you expect.

My mind goes into overdrive,

Imagining all the possible scenarios,

That when I see you the next day,

I don’t even know what to say.

 

Saying that I’m shy-isn’t reason enough,

Saying I’m not used to talking this much-sounds like an excuse,

But believe me when I say this,

You are the closest to real,

I have had.

The closest to raw,

I can ever get.

 

It depends on my state of mind,

The next time I see you,

Whether I’ll be overjoyed or downcast.

But know one thing for sure,

The moments that we had,

Will hold a place in my heart, forever to last.

 

Paper Hearts

Our heart is what keeps us alive.

What gives is life,

 

When we see someone we like,

Speeds up like at the end of the race,

When we have that someone,

It slows down as though we have won the race.

 

This heart of ours, this paper heart.

Can be torn to shreds in seconds,

Only to be recycled with great difficulties.

 

People come,

Leave their marks in beautiful illustrations.

Then they go,

Burning up the remnants,

Of what was so beautiful before.

 

This paper heart of mine,

Is no less fragile than glass.

Once broken,

It takes a lot to become whole again.

 

While heartbreak leaves behind pain,

Pain that is so incomprehensible,

Until really felt.

My hope, that everyone has that one epic love,

Never Dies.

 

So dear you,

Who is out there somewhere?

Who is meant to be the love of my life,

Please do a good job of mending it.

Mending this paper heart of mine.

 

 

Dear Future Me

In times of despair,

I want you to think of me.

In times of sadness,

I want you to know.

That you were strong,

Through it all.

That you held on,

For so long.

I want you to know,

No matter how low you think of yourself,

How much you bury yourself under self-doubt.

I know that you have come through obstacles,

With difficulty of course.

You persevered through the darkest of nights,

You still woke up when the day was shrouded in clouds.

You cared too much about what people would say,

And that was your major let down.

But after it all,

When the lights turned off,

And there was silence.

You sat still,

And listened to your thoughts,

You realized that where you are,

What you are,

Is a product of your work and intention,

It was never about people’s reception.

You made mistakes over and over again,

You will still make more.

But dear future me, know this,

You are stronger than you make yourself to be,

Kinder than you perceive,

Loyal than most will ever be

And your will is as courageous,

As there has ever been.

-Your Past Self